Q&A

Questions – Future Conferences

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Questions – Past Conferences

As a couple dating, engaged, or married attain your goals or passions in life? (without being selfish or should you be selfish, when do you give up yours goals for the other person)

Selfishness has no, place in a marriage, but selflessness does. Think more highly of your spouse and their desires over yours. You say that is asking a lot. I say that’s what love does it asks a lot from you because that’s what love does. You giving a lot to the one you say you love. You willing to see them blessed above you. You should be willing to die in their stead. You willing to try on a daily basis to out love them in all you say and do. Not because it’s a competition but because you have chosen to out do each other in your love toward each other.
1 Cor. 13:4-7 Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud 5 or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. (6) It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. (7) Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.
Philippians 2:3-7 (3) Don’t be selfish; don’t try to impress others. Be humble, thinking of others as better than yourselves. (4) Don’t look out only for your own interests, but take an interest in others, too. (5) You must have the same attitude that Christ Jesus had. (6) Though he was God,[a] he did not think of equality with God as something to cling to. (7) Instead, he gave up his divine privileges[b];he took the humble position of a slave[c]Remember your goals are only as important as the two of you decide in the course of your marriage. When you communicate together about your goals and follow what you have decided as a couple your goals will always stay in proper perspective. Let your love for God and what he says about how you are to respond to your companion supersede your desires.

How do you truly forgive a spouse who has cheated, and restore trust in marriage after infidelity?

You must be intentional about forgiving a spouse who has cheated. It cannot be done without much praying, crying and putting the good of your marriage above your own personal benefit. See in the word of God how Jesus who was being done wrong by man chose to forgive him in spite of how we treated him. In this example we see the true design for forgiveness. Which is placing God’s will above your own will. You cannot do this without the help of Christ.

Luke 23:34 (34) Then said Jesus, Father, forgive them; for they know not what they do. Even as they were torturing him and doing all manner of evil against him he chose God’s will (which is forgiveness) over his own will. Once you chose to forgive then you must also begin considering what steps God would have you take to continue on the road of restoring trust in your marriage. This will be a one day at a time process. Also the spouse who allowed the trust in the marriage to be lost by their act of infidelity must be patient in giving their loved one time to walk through the process of forgiving and working on the trust to be restored. If it took you 1 day to 2 years to sin against God and your companion by committing infidelity against them. Then be sensitive enough to know as you had time to almost destroy your marriage it will take sufficient time to restore the trust that is needed after your infidelity is discovered. Both the cheater and the faithful spouse must understand that both have caused God displeasure and at sometime have sinned against him. But when we sincerely come to him and ask forgiveness he forgives us. As he continues to forgive us he has also given us the power by his Holy Spirit to do the same. The choice is yours, forgive or not to forgive that is the question. Note forgiveness must be sincere (from the heart) in order to be effectual and perform in you the desire God is looking for. And when you can’t forgive you stop God the forgiver from being able to forgive you for your trespasses.

 

Matt 18:35 (35) so likewise shall my heavenly Father do also unto you, if ye from your hearts forgive not everyone his brother their trespasses.
Matt 6:15 (15) but if ye forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.

 

God 1st, Family 2nd, and everything else a distant 3rd.

1 Cor 11:3 (3) But I would have you know, that the head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman is the man; and the head of Christ is God. KJV
Eph 5:23-24 (23) For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body. (24) Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing. KJV

 

How do you start paying tithes when your bills are from when you were living in the world and takes all that you make now?

You ask God how do you want me to do it, and then follow his plan. This is a faith walk, and giving tithes requires that you learn how to walk by faith. God wants you to pay your bills because when you made them you made a promise that you would pay them and God expects you to honor your word since you now represent him in all you say and do. He does not look for you to become delinquent on your bills to give him what is rightfully his, but he also does not want to see you rob him. Tithing requires faith and if you are giving but not in faith it does you no good. So you need to settle in yourself that you want to honor God by doing his will. His will is for you to give tithes and offering. Since this is the will of God for you he has a plan for you to fulfill it so just ask him and do what he says. It can be done you can pay your bills and give God tithes and be blessed.
Mal 3:8-12 (8) Will a man rob God? Yet ye have robbed me. But ye say, Wherein have we robbed thee? In tithes and offerings. (9) Ye are cursed with a curse: for ye have robbed me, even this whole nation. (10) Bring ye all the tithes into the storehouse, that there may be meat in mine house, and prove me now herewith, saith the LORD of hosts, if I will not open you the windows of heaven, and pour you out a blessing, that there shall not be room enough to receive it.
(11) And I will rebuke the devourer for your sakes, and he shall not destroy the fruits of your ground; neither shall your vine cast her fruit before the time in the field, saith the LORD of hosts. (12) And all nations shall call you blessed: for ye shall be a delightsome land, saith the LORD of hosts.KJV
Eccl.5:5 (5) Better is it that thou shouldest not vow, than that thou shouldest vow and not pay. KJV
2 Cor.9:5-15 (5) So I thought I should send these brothers ahead of me to make sure the gift you promised is ready. But I want it to be a willing gift, not one given under pressure. (6) Remember this — a farmer who plants only a few seeds will get a small crop. But the one who plants generously will get a generous crop. (7) You must each make up your own mind as to how much you should give. Don’t give reluctantly or in response to pressure. For God loves the person who gives cheerfully. (8) And God will generously provide all you need. Then you will always have everything you need and plenty left over to share with others. As the Scriptures say, (9)”Godly people give generously to the poor. Their good deeds will never be forgotten.” (10) For God is the one who gives seed to the farmer and then bread to eat. In the same way, he will give you many opportunities to do good, and he will produce a great harvest of generosity in you. (11) Yes, you will be enriched so that you can give even more generously. And when we take your gifts to those who need them, they will break out in thanksgiving to God. (12) So two good things will happen — the needs of the Christians in Jerusalem will be met, and they will joyfully express their thanksgiving to God. (13) You will be glorifying God through your generous gifts. For your generosity to them will prove that you are obedient to the Good News of Christ. (14) And they will pray for you with deep affection because of the wonderful grace of God shown through you. (15) Thank God for his Son — a gift too wonderful for words!NLT
In all areas in this walk of faith you must start somewhere. When it comes to giving the best place to start is by honoring God by showing him he is Lord over your money, and in your thinking. When God can rule over your money you have given him a place in your lives to also rule over and in your spirit, soul, and body. You give him authority to rule over and in everything.

How do you deal with feeling like a failure to God if your first marriage ended in divorce?

You must first of all take responsibility for your part in the failure of the first marriage. Seek forgiveness from your first spouse for your part in the marriage failure, and God’s forgiveness. Know that you will feel guilt behind the failure but that if you have sincerely sought the forgiveness of your spouse and God, then even if your spouse can’t seem to forgive you (this is a process it will take time) God will forgive you and help you deal with your guilt. We should feel guilt when we have messed up, but the guilt is there to help us remember how we failed so we do not make the same mistake again. It is not there to hold us in hostage so that we refuse to walk in God’s forgiveness for us. This is a complicated question to answer considering there are hidden factors that we do not have any information on, We recommend that you take a look at all the bible has to say about the conditions of your first marriage and consider what you knew from the word then and what you now know from the word of God and seek a response from him on how you should be walking now as you deal with your past and walk in your future. God does not want you to feel like a failure but a conqueror, not a victim but a victor, as you seek his wisdom on how you can walk responsibly and above guilt as you deal with this situation and future situations.
James 1:5-8 (5) If you need wisdom — if you want to know what God wants you to do — ask him, and he will gladly tell you. He will not resent your asking. (6) But when you ask him, be sure that you really expect him to answer, for a doubtful mind is as unsettled as a wave of the sea that is driven and tossed by the wind. (7) People like that should not expect to receive anything from the Lord. (8) They can’t make up their minds. They waver back and forth in everything they do. NLT

Are there CD’s available on the workshop?

No CD is available currently, but next year we will have them for your personal use.

How do you talk to your spouse and say everything and hold nothing back or keep it to yourself?

By practicing Proverbs 3:5-6 (5) Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. (6) In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths. Always approach your loved one in the spirit of love and listen to the guiding of the Holy Spirit on how and what information you should share or with hold from your love one. Just because you feel you should say something to them does not mean at that time they are ready to receive it. Trust God and remember your objective is to be able to talk to your spouse about anything with holding nothing and this will take time, practice, and the leading of the Holy Spirit. Trust in God.

What can get your man to love the Lord and stop viewing fellowship negatively?

Only God can get your man to love him and stop viewing fellowship negatively.

John 6:5 (5) Then he said, “That is what I meant when I said that people can’t come to me unless the Father brings them to me.” Also note that you must let your light so shine in the right way also. Because if you are a Christian the only way a sinner can see God is through you.

Matt 5:16 (16) Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father which is in heaven. When he sees you loving and praising God and speaking well of other Christians and not whining or nagging him to come to church. He will be more apt to change. Be the God you want him to see.
NOTE: Let me say this in response to all of these questions being asked. Sometimes we fail to ask the question that will get to the heart of the matter; we go for the band aid rather than the cure. You must and I must ask our spouses and be sure from their answers and the fruit that they bear whether or not they are saved or not. If you and your spouse are not walking with the Lord, the Word of God will not have any effect on you. The answers we are submitting are coming from the book God has given to those who believe in him and that are the bible. If you are your spouse have not made a commitment to follow God you will not be able to use his word because you do not believe him. This word only works for those who believe in God and trust his son Jesus. For we walk by faith not by sight. 2 Cor. 5:7. So before we go any further ask yourself, ask your spouse are we saved, have we been born again, do we believe that Jesus is the son Of God ,and the only way we can get to the father is through the son. What is your answer?

My husband is addicted to porn. I don’t think he sees anything wrong with it and we don’t make love at all. Can you please address this generally explaining what it does to a marriage?

Pornography is a marriage killer! It has the potential to compel someone to seek after something that is unobtainable and yet they want it because it seems to be what they cannot get from their companion. To lust after someone other than your own wife (or husband) is a sin. To try to get someone to look, be, or to perform like someone who has been cosmetically enhanced, and possibly drug induced, not to mention paid to do the strange and even the obscene, is not the will of God for you or your companion. To lust after a woman or person other than your spouse is a sin.
Matt 5:27-28 (27) “You have heard that the law of Moses says, ‘Do not commit adultery.’ (28) But I say, anyone who even looks at a woman with lust in his eye has already committed adultery with her in his heart.
Rom 7:7 (7) What shall we say then? Is the law sin? God forbid. Nay, I had not known sin, but by the law: for I had not known lust, except the law had said, Thou shalt not covet. Pornography is the lust of the flesh for someone who is not your spouse. That is sin. Lust which is what looking at pornographic material will cause you to do will bring forth death both in the spiritual and eventually the natural.
James 1:15 (15) Then when lust hath conceived, it bringeth forth sin: and sin, when it is finished, bringeth forth death. Pornography shows that you are lusting after the things of the world. This is not God’s will for you. It can cause you to lose out on eternal life.
1 John 2:15-17 (15) Stop loving this evil world and all that it offers you, for when you love the world, you show that you do not have the love of the Father in you. (16) For the world offers only the lust for physical pleasure, the lust for everything we see, and pride in our possessions. These are not from the Father. They are from this evil world. (17) And this world is fading away, along with everything it craves. But if you do the will of God, you will live forever.

If you have a hard time communicating with your spouse how do you start?

Just do it. You have responsibilities and things to do in all areas of life that you do not want to do, or don’t know how to do, but when you really want to do something you find a way to make it happen. You need to communicate with your spouse so find a way to make it happen. Start off by just talking about a movie, food, or even God. Some subject matter that you can open with and then expand your conversation from there.If you love them you will make this happen. Phil. 4:13

Lacking faith in self to be a leader after so many mistakes has been made.

This is a good place to be in because it helps you to realize how much you need God in order to lead. I would say to you to do as I do every morning. Make this confession with your mouth until you get it in your heart. Say to yourself that there is nothing that shall come upon me in this day that I through the Holy Spirit cannot handle. Then stand and trust God to make you the leader he would have you to be for that day.
Eph 6:10-18 (10) A final word: Be strong with the Lord’s mighty power. (11) Put on all of God’s armor so that you will be able to stand firm against all strategies and tricks of the Devil. (12) For we are not fighting against people made of flesh and blood, but against the evil rulers and authorities of the unseen world, against those mighty powers of darkness who rule this world, and against wicked spirits in the heavenly realms.
(13) Use every piece of God’s armor to resist the enemy in the time of evil, so that after the battle you will still be standing firm. (14) Stand your ground, putting on the sturdy belt of truth and the body armor of God’s righteousness. (15) For shoes, put on the peace that comes from the Good News, so that you will be fully prepared. (16) In every battle you will need faith as your shield to stop the fiery arrows aimed at you by Satan. (17) Put on salvation as your helmet, and take the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. (18) Pray at all times and on every occasion in the power of the Holy Spirit. Stay alert and be persistent in your prayers for all Christians everywhere. Prov 3:5-6
(5) Trust in the LORD with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. (6) Seek his will in all you do, and he will direct your paths. NLT

How to be more sensitive to my wife’s needs?

The bible says that the husband is suppose to love his wife as Christ loved the church and gave his life further (the church). If you are going to love your wife the way the bible says, you are going to have to ask her, pay attention to her, and see what her needs are, and become intentional(make yourself) do what is necessary to meet her needs. Being sensitive to her needs is just the beginning, meeting her needs is the goal.
Eph. 5:25 (25) Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it.
1Peter5:7 (7) In the same way, you husbands must give honor to your wives. Treat your wife with understanding as you live together. She may be weaker than you are, but she is your equal partner in God’s gift of new life. Treat her as you should so your prayers will not be hindered.

How to overcome blended marriages dealing with parenting differences?

Blended families will always be a challenge because they are not God’s best for a marriage. All one has to do is look at Abraham, Sarah, Isaac, and Ishmael to see that blended families even from the beginning of times has been an issue. My recommendation is that a couple parenting in a blended family situation would adhere to.

Ephesians 5:21: Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God. Whoever the biological parent is should have the primary say in how they want to train up the child. The two ought to come to gather to discuss the desire of the biological parent for the child, and then set up guidelines to be followed. My thought is that they agree that they are both there for the good of the child, and that the spouse who is not the biological parent is coming along side their mate to help them best raise the child in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. Also note that depending upon the age of the child other things can be considered. But it is imperative that they follow biblical guidelines and adhere to the decisions that they have made for the child. As always consistency must be practiced. Amos 3:3

Too much to put on this sheet but after many years of marriage and struggling with all three areas in this conference tonight. I deal with lack of finances, sex and communication but I trust God to bring change. The longer I wait the more distant I feel myself drawing away from him and begging God for help because I don’t want a divorce. What steps do I take with God to go on and remove my flesh to follow my spirit given to me by God?

You must make up in your mind that you will be like Jesus. Your desire must be to fulfill his will for your marriage at all cost. You must see your companion the way God sees them and not the way that you perceive that they are. You must be willing to suffer to prove God’s word in your life. It will not be easy but it can be done. You must see your marriage as something that even through the hard times and rough places that God needs you to do all he shows you to do, because in the end he has something in store for you that will draw you closer to him and make you more like him in all your ways. You must realize that in the days to come your love will be tested, not your spouse’s love but your love will be tested and God has given you all you need to pass the test, if in all your ways you will acknowledge him and not lean to your own understanding by doing what you want to do. Your love will be tested by the very word’s that come out of your mouth and your spouse’s mouth. Every day as long as you are married there is the possibility that you or your spouse will say something that LOVE will have to throw away. You are going to have to learn to Love God above yourself and your spouse, so that his love can rule in your life. Be intentional in moving you off the throne of your life and let Jesus be on the throne. Will it be easy? No, but with the help and love of God you will be able to do it. At this time in your life if you have not found out that God does not care which one of us in our marriage is wrong or right. All he cares about is if he tells you to apologize to your spouse (even when you know you have done nothing wrong), that you will do what he says. He just wants to know can he trust us to do what he tells us to do. When God can find someone(you) in the marriage who loves him more than anything else, he can cause you to be victorious not just in your marriage but in all aspects of life. I implore you to be a winner not a whiner, a lover not a loser, a God person versus a good person.

Phil 4:13 (13) I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me. KJV
Phil 4:19-20 (19) But my God shall supply all your need according to his riches in glory by Christ Jesus. (20) Now unto God and our Father be glory forever and ever. Amen. KJV

Should couples keep secret passwords from each other (phones, computers etc)?

Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder. There should be no secrets passwords, phone numbers etc. The Lord has made you one and so all things should be open to the both of you. No secret accounts, check books, friends, or social network acquaintances. You are bone of my bone, and flesh of my flesh. What I know you know. We are one in the sight of God. If your spouse can not know about it you should not be doing it.

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By practicing Proverbs 3:5-6 (5) Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. (6) In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths. Always approach your loved one in the spirit of love and listen to the guiding of the Holy Spirit on how and what information you should share or with hold from your love one. Just because you feel you should say something to them does not mean at that time they are ready to receive it. Trust God and remember your objective is to be able to talk to your spouse about anything with holding nothing and this will take time, practice, and the leading of the Holy Spirit. Trust in God.

What do you do if you feel your spouse crosses your boundary(ies) concerning behavior (unruly, disrespectful, and abusive)? Is oral sex ok in a marriage?

If you love them you will tell them.

1 John 4:18 (18) There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear: because fear hath torment. He that feareth is not made perfect in love.
Matt 18:15 (15) Moreover if thy brother shall trespass against thee, go and tell him his fault between thee and him alone: if he shall hear thee, thou hast gained thy brother. Remember sometimes we do not see what we are doing to our spouses until someone or they point it out to us.
Is oral sex ok in a marriage?
There are some areas in the bible that are gray and not black and white. For instance it is clear that we should not lie( the word of God says thou shall not lie). It is also clear that we should not steal because the bible specifically states (thou shall not steal). But there are some areas where the bible does not speak specifically about something so you must search the scriptures and see what information you can get from the scriptures that will give you a guideline for how you want to believe and walk. In general when someone asks a question about oral sex, one partner wants it and the other does not. When it comes to your house, children, bedroom, and etc., you need to be fully persuaded in your own mind what you are allowing yourself to do according to the leading of the Spirit. There are scriptures that tell us what God does not allow such as two men or two women having sex with each other, or humans having sex with animals.
Lev 18:22-23 (22) Do not practice homosexuality; it is a detestable sin. (23) A man must never defile himself by having sexual intercourse with an animal, and a woman must never present herself to a male animal in order to have intercourse with it; this is a terrible perversion. But the bible does not go into what time of day or what positions. You must trust the spirit of God as he shows you what is appropriate for you and your spouse, and then you must practice honoring that. As I said earlier in general when asked about oral sex it’s something that one spouse wants but the other does not approve. Having sex with your companion is something that God gave to you as married couples to enjoy and to reproduce other future Christians. Anything that you are making your spouse participate in while having sex that makes them feel uncomfortable or they have religious convictions against doing is wrong. Sex is made for the pleasure of both partners; no one should be made or coerced into doing something they are not comfortable with. The pulpit is not the area that decides what goes on in your bedroom. The bible, you and your spouse, and the spirit of God will come up with the appropriate answers for your sexual desires and needs. If you will follow the word of God and be fully persuaded in your own minds about the things you are allowing yourself to do you will better understand what THE BIBLE MEANS WHEN IT SPEAKS ABOUT THE PEACE OF GOD.
Rom 14:5 (5) One man esteemeth one day above another: another esteemeth every day alike. Let every man be fully persuaded in his own mind.KJV
Rom 14:14 (14) I know, and am persuaded by the Lord Jesus, that there is nothing unclean of itself: but to him that esteemeth any thing to be unclean, to him it is unclean.KJV Remember if in doubt do not do it.
Rom 14:22-15:1 (23) But if people have doubts about whether they should eat something, they shouldn’t eat it. They would be condemned for not acting in faith before God. If you do anything you believe is not right, you are sinning.

How do you forgive domestic abuse, infidelity, emotional abuse once he has gotten help and apologized?

Refer to the previous answer. One day at a time choosing to believe that the individual has changed and that with God’s help they will continue on the road that is right, and you will continue to trust God to help you to forgive them until in your heart you believe what you have been confessing with your mouth and that is that you forgive them.
Rom 4:16-17 (17) That is what the Scriptures mean when God told him, “I have made you the father of many nations.” This happened because Abraham believed in the God who brings the dead back to life and who brings into existence what didn’t exist before. God can bring into existence the forgiveness needed if you will say what he says and do what he say’s to do.
Col 3:12-13 (12) Put on therefore, as the elect of God, holy and beloved, bowels of mercies, kindness , humbleness of mind, meekness, longsuffering;(13) Forbearing one another, and forgiving one another, if any man have a quarrel against any: even as Christ forgave you, so also do ye.

How to do God will in everything we do. Don’t take Him for granted?

It’s found best in Mathew 6:33 (33) Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need. When we put God first we will benefit from being obedient. When we remember that everything we have and all we ever will receive comes from the Lord. When we consider that it is because of him that we move breathe and have our being. Then we will recognize that God first is just the way it should be, and we will stop taking him and his word for granted.

Acts 17:28 (28) For in him we live and move and exist. As some of your own poets have said, ‘We are his offspring.’

"Long as You Both Shall Live…"